I appreciate your enthusiasm, but Kodos will not be in this production
by whenthemarshmallowmettheslayer
Summary: This was not how Jim imagined telling Bones about Tarsus IV. Actually that was a lie. Jim had planned to never tell Bones about Tarsus IV.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

* * *

Drugs have never been something Jim has ever liked. There are three reasons.

1.) He's allergic to most drugs most doctors- sans Bones- give on everyday bases. Now when Jim looks back on his childhood he's glad Sam never took him to clinic (his mom wasn't there to take him to one and Frank had been the reason why he needed to go to one).

2.) Drugs mess with Jim's ability that Tommy had nicknamed "banshee power."

3.) The main reason is there's the fact he's not in complete control of himself. Being in control is something that's important to him. If he's in control he can take care of the people he loves. If he's in control - if he's the authority figure then authority will not be abused. No one would be killed much less shot whilst being an unarmed civilian. If he's in control he can beat the impossible scenario (and nothing is impossible if you're smart enough to find a way out). It's not arrogance that he thinks that. It's the truth. It's what he does. The Kelvin Incident, Tarsus IV, Nero, and Khan.

So yeah control is important to him.

Yes. Feel free to laugh.

Jim was known at the Academy as the cadet that woke up hungover every other day.

There's a difference to alcohol and drugs.…. wellleast there is for him anyway.

He can hold his alcohol. He can't hold the drugs that are in his system. So that is the reason Jim Kirk (Also known as James T. Kirk, JT, Captain, and t'hy'la to Spock and Ambassador Spock who both had yet to tell him what that word meant. A childish part of Jim thinks that Hoshi would tell him if she was still alive before his mood darkens. The memories - the guilt - of that day flashes before his eyes and God does Jim hate drugs.) has such a hatred for drugs.

Recent events furthering his dislikement of them. He wouldn't be in this situation if hadn't been drugs. He actually wouldn't have been in the situation of being drugged if he had listened to Spock, Bones, Uhura but he's not going to admit to that. This- the change in how Bones treated him when he can't avoid him - is punishment enough.

* * *

A/N: Crossposted on archiveofourown.

This was insipired by Sadieyuki's post:

(sequel to my previous post on this)  
Jim: Bones, I think you should play the role of my mother.  
Bones: I don't wanna be your mother.  
Jim: That's perfect! You already know your lines.  
Bones: ...  
Jim: Okay fine, you can play the role of my brother.  
Bones (fed up): I'm leaving.  
Jim: Perfect! You're a natural.  
Bones: Jim, I'm gonna kill you.  
Jim: I appreciate your enthusiasm, but Kodos will not be in this production.


	2. Chapter 2

Ever since starting their five year mission Leonard has started playing this game of who pissed him off more. Hobgoblin or Jim.

One would think dying would make Jim less... Well Jim (That was the only way the southern doctor could phrase it.) but that would be something along the line of common sense. Which God (and Leonard) knew Jim lacked.

Hell! Spock supplemented good ol human common sense with Vulcan logical thinking. So he was the only one with any sense when it came to the trio if you asked him.

This was only furthered as Jim tried (and failed) to deny needing to taken to the medbay as Spock carried the idiot bridal style into Leonard's medbay.

Leonard, who was more commonly known as Bones, could feel a headache coming on.

"What happened?" He growled out.

"It's just a scratch," Leonard's Captain managed slur out despite blood loss.

Leonard raised an eyebrow; a habit he picked up from the damn hobgoblin.

"I'm going to pretend it's from the blood loss you said that. Not because you're more of an idiot then I thought you were. Set down on the bio-bed Spock," Leonard ordered the ship's Science Officer.

Spock gently laid their Captain down one of the bio-beds while Leonard not-so-gently hyposprayed Jim. Leonard's friend immediately winced before his eyelashes fluttered and he was out like a light.

"Get Nurse Chapel in here on your way out," Leonard orders Spock who's standing next to the bio-bed like a guardian angel. The sight along with that thought makes him want to snort.

Honestly, Leonard thinks tiredly. How did it take so long for those two to get together?  
Oh that's right: they're idiots. Idiots in love Leonard amended as Spock gave one last worried glance at Jim before walking out of the medbay.

"Make sure you wash the blood off ya before you step on the bridge or do a Captain's log. Doctor's orders!" He yells even though Spock's hobgoblin ears would have heard him if he had used his inside voice. But, as Jim would say, where's the fun in that?

"Next time when Uhura, Spock, and I tell you not to do something do not goddamn do it James!" Normally Leonard would never call Jim (who winces at his given name) his first name but he's pissed.

Three days. That's how long it took to get Jim out of the woods. God it was miracle his friend hadn't died - again.

"I'm a doctor but just because I'm a doctor it doesn't mean I like to see you almost bleed out. Next when it's suggested you shouldn't go with the landing party and you argue with us I'm going to remind you of this," Leonard growls out to the overgrown brat. If Jim was in fact his kid he would have a sore bottom by now.

Jim just stares at him with his eyebrows drawn together. His eyes are somewhat dazed from the drugs in his system to help with the pain.

Jim finally speaks. "Bones, I think you should play the role of my mother."

Leonard blinks. He's startled for a moment because that was so something Gary Mitchell would do. (Something being: mentioning something akin to what Leonard was thinking at the time.)

"I don't wanna be your mother," Leonard finally answers and for a flash there's sadness written on Jim's face before that infamous bright bullshiting grin of his covers - no, shields his face.

"That's perfect! You already know your lines." Jim replies in a joking tone and anyone else besides Spock and him were at the receiving end they would buy it.

Bones (as stated earlier) does not. Jim had once drunkenly joked at how his bullshit never worked on Bones during the Academy; it had been of the most truthful things to ever come out of that kid's mouth.

"Okay fine, you can play the role of my brother," Jim tries to appease him, completely oblivious how this is not making his best friend laugh. This says how much drugs really effect him that he's joking about these things that are usually touché.

"I'm leaving," Leonard tells Jim because while he doesn't know all of Jim's childhood he still knows it's not a good thing to be compared to his mother or the older brother whom Leonard doesn't know the name of. Just that he left Jim to fend for himself under a neglectful and abusive household.

God he's going to be sick Leonard realized as he started making his way to the door only to be stopped byJim joking.

"Perfect! You're a natural," Jim tells him earnestly with that wide grin of his.

"Jim, I'm gonna kill you once you're yourself again," he mutters to himself but apparently Spock's hobgoblin ears have rubbed off on Jim.

"I appreciate your enthusiasm, but Kodos will not be in this production." Jim says solemnly. Leonard whips around at the name of Kodos to see that grin of Jim's is gone; wiped clean from his face even.

Suddenly Jim, who's always acted and looked much younger than his age, looks so very old. So worn that Leonard knows he isn't joking about Kodos the executioner and Leonard doesn't manage to get out of there to the toilet in time.

(The bile he throws up doesn't burn as much as Jim's drugged confession.)


	3. Chapter 3

Ironically it's Father's Day when Jim finally snaps.

Once upon a time Jim had been okay with being alone, now he isn't. He truly knows what's it's like to have a family (for more than some fleeting months) and his crew is that. Bones and Spock were that for him and there was no way in hell he was going to give that up now that he knows what it's like.

And that's why he's standing out of Bones' quarters with a bottle of the good stuff (which is to say, not synthetic alcohol because Bones, along with Scotty, could taste and abhorred the difference) that he may or may not have smuggled on board for an occasion like this. Why? With Jim's luck, or rather lack of it, if anything could go wrong it will go wrong. Spock had once quipped (because make no mistake Vulcans don't joke, they sneakily quip) about Jim's luck being worthy of being a law of Newton.

It takes five minutes of pounding on Bones' door before his friend opens the door.

"You look like shit," is the first thing he says. It's probably not the best thing to say to Bones when he's been avoiding him for the last two weeks (no hypos even, suddenly and viciously, being stabbed into his neck) but Jim, while a genius, was a idiot.

Bones glances at the door and back at him like he's contemplating closing the door on Jim's face. Thankfully he doesn't.

Instead he snorts at Jim. "And you're a little shit. What a pair we make," Bones' accent comes out rougher than usual.

"What a drunk pair we make," Jim corrects him before lifting up the bottle so Bones can see it. Bones steps back and Jim walks in the room.

Bones retrieves two glasses from somewhere in his room and Jim makes himself home. Spock knows that Jim isn't going to be coming to their quarters anytime soon because he'll be resolving things between Bones. Thankfully, Spock had not furthered inquired why Doctor McCoy was avoiding Jim after he told Spock he didn't want to talk about it.

It isn't till they both have had more than one glass that someone, Bones, breaks the silence that's more awkward than the one time there had been a Kirk family Thanksgiving dinner.

"Tarsus IV?" Bones finally croaks out.

Jim takes a shallow from his glass (it burns going down but Jim pays it no mind) before he answers. "Yeah. Bones, you got it in one."

"How are you sane?" Jim snorts. There were many people who would protest at him being called sane.

"Fine," Bones snaps, voice cold as Delta Vega. "How are you okay?"

Jim wants to laugh. It would be a bitter thing to listen to instead of warm and contagious. He's pretty sure he's never been okay until the last few years despite Nero, Khan, Pike's death, and his own death.

"Not to risk sounding cheesy but honestly I'm better because of you and Spock," Jim confessed honestly.

Bones is staring down at his glass, refusing to look at Jim, as if it might give him answers if he glares at it long enough. It won't and that says something cause Jim swears Bones' glare could single handily kill a Klingon.

"Have you ever talked to anyone about it?" Bones asks, his voice that comforting tone he uses for Joanna when his daughter has just woken from a nightmare.

Once again Jim is barely containing laughter. Because who would he talk to?  
Sam was gone. His grandfather was dead. Hoshi and her husband had been murdered right in front of him. Jim would have sooner called Frank dad before he confessed about his memories, the terrors of Tarsus IV, and oh God David.

While Jim's mother was good mother when she there the problem was she never there. Jim loves his mother but at the same time he hates her for never being there. He could of (should of) died just like David and would she pause for her quest of revenge for her late husband to even learn of her son's death much less mourn Jim?

Jim hadn't told anyone, not even the doctors and therapists who were assigned to him. Because, apparently, talking about trauma helps one get past it. Jim called bullshit on that and crudely told them where they could shove their questions when fuck off was too nice. (Sometimes in different languages depending on his mood.)

Jim had told no one cause all of the people who he would have eventually talked to where taken from him or left him. Cause Jim swears the universe has something against the people Jim loves. Then he sits next to a doctor warns him that he might throw up on Jim. Three years later he meets Spock who, of course, programmed the cheat known as the Kobayashi Maru. Spock eventually grows on him and then next thing Jim knows he's Vulcan kissing his First Officer in Ambassador Sarek's kitchen.

Jim had thought of telling Spock one day (key words: one day) but he had never thought of telling Bones even though the doctor was his best friend. But he is going to now. It's a olive branch and hadn't someone said that it was better to walk with a friend in the dark is better than walking alone in the light?

Well here to walking in the dark with a friend, Jim thought before gulping down a glass of alcohol.

"I had a son," he starts off his story even if it's not beginning. Because if anyone could understand the love a father can give their child it would Bones. Jim hopes his friend will never find out what's it's like to lose a child because that was a fate worse than losing one's father. Jim knows because he lost both.

* * *

 **A/N: For those who are confused about the ending I'll explain. This was originally posted on archiveofourown and it's part of a series of fics I've written on there. My pen name is youngjusticewriter and the series is called: "Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrust upon them." Anyway, in a previous part of the series it was revealed that Jim had a son on Tarsus IV.**


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